One Last Chance

I spoke to Lloyd last night, probably for the last time. His voice was dry and weak - he hasn’t eaten in a week and is only accepting sips of water - he’s doing it the hard way. He has been wanting to leave for a while now but his body just won’t let him and there’s no easy and legal way to choose the time of your departure. At 85years he figures he’s seen enough, done enough and wants to move on. I can’t blame him really, the last decade has been chronic pain and declining ability, tough on anybody but especially someone who so highly values his independence.

Lloyd is my father-in-law. He lives with his wife on a couple of acres of his own land in his own house miles away from any urban center and he likes it that way. He’s not the most sociable guy and has low tolerance for the shortcomings of mankind which seem to be multiplied in urban settings. But he likes me. Not sure why exactly but it helps not being American or French or a member of any other group he has issue with. I was a teamster for a while and a Realtor and he’s not too fond of either of them. He did approve of me becoming a nurse. And while his daughter has certainly never needed anyone to take care of her, he’s old-fashioned and thinks she should have a man around to “take care of things”.

With Lloyd and Clare living a drive, a ferry ride and a drive away our visits were semi-annual events at best. I don’t think he could have tolerated more frequent intrusions but he was always glad to see us..... in a crusty sort of way. His jibes and barbs had no sting for me but then I didn’t have a history with him. I didn’t have a reason to dislike him. I wasn’t there when he drank too much and did things that put up a wall between him, his children and first wife.

But even the biggest, strongest walls crumble with time. We can’t help ourselves, it’s human nature to remember the good, even embellish it, and maybe not forget the bad but allow it to fade. I’ve never forgotten the severe beatings at the hands of my rage-a-holic father and maybe never quite forgave but over time as I entered my own world and was less affected by his, the bad stuff faded. I began to appreciate his good qualities and to even like him. My only regret is that it didn’t happen sooner.

Lloyd asked for no-one to visit his departure but I suspect he’ll be just as glad to see his daughter as he was when we visited as a family in healthier times. Her plane should be touching down halfway around the world about now and provided his body continued to resist leaving she’ll have one last chance to hold his hand. One last chance to say I love you. One last chance to feel like his daughter.

I hope it goes well, my love, and the visit gives you the sense of closure and connection you need. To leave this world feeling loved is the best any of us can hope for and your visit there is the best going away gift a fella could ever get.